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Ed's avatar

Two years ago we brought my mother home to live with us. She had been in a perpetual lockdown for the nearly a year in an assisted living facility. It had been a loving place for my mother until the world was gripped by the ‘pandemic’ and then became a prison in the name of her safety. At the age of 97 my Mom suffered from dementia, and although remarkably functional for her age she would tend to get stuck in thoughts that were circular in nature. And the key word here is ‘stuck’, in thoughts disconnected from reality, caught in a loop of thinking from which she is has difficulty escaping. She would attempt to resolve this narrow band of thought from within the thought or the resulting series of thoughts, which all related back to the primary delusion.

Looking closer at what is considered dementia, it may manifest as degenerative brain function, but primarily, it is a long standing state of mind, not the brain, founded in a deep sense of limitation, lack and the fear of death, the obsessive or fixated thought about an imaginary separate self. If we zoom out on the life of someone suffering from this so-called ‘dementia’, what we find, it’s actually not the source of this circular, closed loop of thinking and suffering, it is the result. It is the outcome a lifetime of a living within limited construct of thinking and acting, like a spider who spins its web and takes up residence in it. With this construct, we may seem to be capable of large and intricate webs, worlds, comprising what is believed to be ‘the world’, but they exist only as fragments within fragments of mind or overlays of mind that represent a simulated, synthetic existence. Our suffering is born of this closed loop thought form.

Definition of closed loop: an automatic control system in which an operation, process, or mechanism is regulated by feedback [from within the closed loop]. This ‘inside’ thought world manifests as an independently existing ‘outside’ world, but all within the same self-referential world or loop. Much like the ‘autophagous loop’ of AI which leads ultimately to nonsense and madness.

The imaginary pandemic is a perfect example of an obsessive closed loop, appearing to manifest ‘outside’ us, in our culture, world, and endlessly propagated in ‘the news’, but all part of projected thought, a lie replicating itself. This world, this lie, has no independent existence or reality outside of the imaginary separate self that imagines it.

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Sage walker's avatar

I am 76. I have spent at least 50 years of that time, working deeply within. It has prepared me to meet now, ever deeper elements of my soul work that emerge as the body delivers what remains unloved. Now, that I have more capacity to do that, the more hidden layers feel safe to reveal themselves. It's humbling and profound to admit them. And, in particular to hold them as unloved parts. Without this consciousness, I can see why many aging people become terrified and disoriented with what has remained unattended within and want to dissociate even more because they fear becoming identified with what is emerging, rather than be able to identify it and hold it. Especially when the body somatizes what is asking for attention. For me, it is presently coming through an increasing sense of insecurity in my mobility. Ah....to love that one more deeply, the one in me wounded in her insecurity. To admit that one and to have her held by the one who is confident, secure and established in many ways!!!! To not be able to do that certainly tempts insanity in a world that deifies youth filled abilities!!!

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