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Mark Malinak's avatar

Soon after my wife unexpectedly died before me on October 30th, 2019, I knew intuitively that everything had changed. Some part of me died with her and I was faced with the greatest mystery of my life. “Why did she die? I don’t understand”. (a metaphysical/spiritual question. I was not looking for a medical explanation). This terrible absence, this bone shattering “without”, pulsated through my body. A couple months later , early in therapy, the bottom dropped out and I broke down sobbing. My therapist said, “Your heart has broken open”. This became my journey through tears, days of crying, sometimes more, sometimes less. During the most intense episodes, one day I found myself patting my heart and saying to myself, “You poor little lost boy”. And through these intense outpourings of sorrow, after the havoc and the fury, something happened. In the shadow of my grief I discovered a deep beauty in the world all around me. While streaming tears and extending my arms straight above into the clear blue sky, I thought that I could almost push through the filament separating me from the eternal. And I knew everything would be OK.

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Activation2041's avatar

In case not everyone reads to the end, here's your brilliant punch line: "We have wandered far, far, far into the territory of separation. We must admit that we are lost. We dissolve in tears. We turn then and see on the horizon the golden land. Only teary eyes can see the path back." The key phrase here is: "We must admit that we are lost." Those who barked back about safety during the Covid era were lost in the grip of propaganda. But they didn't know it.

Do I know that I am lost? Yes. All that means is that I know I must find my way, I don't arrogantly assume that I know the way and that others should think like me or do like me. We could, though, help each other find our way. But that would require personal humility and, another great phrase of yours in here: "Only teary eyes can see the path back." Happy to wander in the free land of giving and receiving with all of you!

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