Death and life are the same thing, like the two sides of my hand, the palm and the back. And still the palm and the back are not the same. They can be neither separated nor mixed. — Ursula K. Le Guin I was driving my son Cary, age 10, to a small gathering where some buddies and I do our cold plunge in a frozen pond. We were discussing safety. Our friend is a substitute teacher in the public school system. Safety is the top priority, and “safe hands” is the constant refrain of each day of behavior management. I told Cary of my favorite motto (which I’m told derives from Burning Man), “Safety third.” Of course, that motto does not mean to imply a linear ranking of life’s priorities. Its commonsense translation would be something like, “Safety is important, but not the most important thing in life.”
Soon after my wife unexpectedly died before me on October 30th, 2019, I knew intuitively that everything had changed. Some part of me died with her and I was faced with the greatest mystery of my life. “Why did she die? I don’t understand”. (a metaphysical/spiritual question. I was not looking for a medical explanation). This terrible absence, this bone shattering “without”, pulsated through my body. A couple months later , early in therapy, the bottom dropped out and I broke down sobbing. My therapist said, “Your heart has broken open”. This became my journey through tears, days of crying, sometimes more, sometimes less. During the most intense episodes, one day I found myself patting my heart and saying to myself, “You poor little lost boy”. And through these intense outpourings of sorrow, after the havoc and the fury, something happened. In the shadow of my grief I discovered a deep beauty in the world all around me. While streaming tears and extending my arms straight above into the clear blue sky, I thought that I could almost push through the filament separating me from the eternal. And I knew everything would be OK.
In case not everyone reads to the end, here's your brilliant punch line: "We have wandered far, far, far into the territory of separation. We must admit that we are lost. We dissolve in tears. We turn then and see on the horizon the golden land. Only teary eyes can see the path back." The key phrase here is: "We must admit that we are lost." Those who barked back about safety during the Covid era were lost in the grip of propaganda. But they didn't know it.
Do I know that I am lost? Yes. All that means is that I know I must find my way, I don't arrogantly assume that I know the way and that others should think like me or do like me. We could, though, help each other find our way. But that would require personal humility and, another great phrase of yours in here: "Only teary eyes can see the path back." Happy to wander in the free land of giving and receiving with all of you!
Very good. Safety first has always rubbed me the wrong way - it seems cowardly, a great no to life. Individually, we're all doomed. Death is inevitable. The point of life is not mere maximization of years and minimization of injury - it is experience, adventure, connection and relationship ... it is a full life. A life spent running from every risk is not a full life. It is no life at all.
"Now, I do not think masking, lockdowns, and the vaccines actually saved lives, but what if they did?"
Dare I publicly admit that I remain entirely uncertain about this question, whether or not these three measures saved lives? Dare I admit that I found these questions a bit overwhelming during the time in which any position, for, against or open and questioning, would result in bitter acrimony and hateful contempt?
Initially, I tended to believe some portion of the story from those who advocated for masks, "social distancing" (though physical distancing was my preferred phrasing) were reasonable responses to a crisis, as the crisis was generally presented and interpreted to most of us. Vaccines? I've never had one. I'm not likely to. I may or may not have had a very mild case of Covid once or twice. I've never been tested for it. I tend not to trust big, powerful institutions. I've had plenty of reasons not to.
I wonder if it is now emotionally safe enough to re-engage with the questions posed in Charles' statement above. Never have a felt such contempt and rage directed at me for keeping an open mind on the questions as I did on this set of questions. And I lost interest in searching for answers when everyone--nearly--had closed the questions and insisted they had certainty, just as I should have had.
Posted on our fridge, oft referenced for our kids to learn, is Helen Keller’s quote: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” But I’m going to start using Safety Third now too and really make us all think about what is First and Second - thank you for this!!
As a long time Burner, yes, "Safety Third" has been a part of my vocabulary for about two decades. With many different understandings of what first and second would be. One of the Burning Man principles is "Radical self-reliance." We are responsible for ourselves. While gifting and charity are a part of the community, it cannot be relied upon.
Burning Man has volunteers who help in the community known as "Rangers." Rangers are not police or even authority figures. But they are distinguishable by wearing bland khaki in a visual sea of color. And have two-way radios on channels that are connected to help that can get medical or other authorities to a situation quickly. Rangers are trained to be nonconfrontational, conflict management and deescalation, to be a helpful resource for the community some even trained to deal with mental health crises. The model has even been observed by professional LEO from cities across the nation and world, used in their training.
One of the things Rangers might do when they see someone doing something unsafe is engage in friendly conversation with them. Ask them if they need any help that would make it a safer endeavor. But sometimes people just want to do it their own way, minimize the risk, "safety third." In those situations a Ranger might say, "well, I'm not going to stop you, but I'll stick around here to help you if something happens." Like when someone is climbing on top of a metal dome in the middle of a thunder storm trying to hurry up and build an art camp. Just saying that you'll be there to help pick up the pieces is often enough to get a person who's minimized the risk they are taking on when they hear it and think about it. It's not bossy, it's not authoritarian, it acknowledges that people are radically self-reliant. Responsible for their own outcomes.
Which, sadly, was lost on the Burning Man community during the height of the pandemic. The same people who would kiss 100 people in a night, eat food that's been out of refrigeration for hours, use dirty plates and utensils, even go to the orgy dome wouldn't hug, go to gatherings of more than six people in their community pod, wore gloves and facemasks while jogging in the park and driving in their car alone. For them their inner risk tolerance pendulum swung to the extreme opposite, even became the worst scolds and enforcers I knew.
Thing is, risk is a part of life. And a known feature for public policymakers. Deciding on speed limit, food service safety protocols, controlled substances, mandatory insurance requirements, local zoning, noise limits, auto safety design and features, you name it. Public policy is the process of weighing the costs and benefits of establishing laws and ordinances. Sure, they could set speed limits at 30mph everywhere for safety. But at the cost of transportation and shippping delays. Steaks and burgers can be ordered to be cooked to well-done so there is no bacteria left in the meat per official CDC guidance. But at the cost of a delicious, moist rare to medium-rare steak that a diner may prefer. Mowing lawns on the weekend can be prohibited to preserve peace in a community during restful days off for most. At the cost of making homeowners contract for services during the week or take time off work. Cars can be designed with beautiful shapes and lines, but if the design makes it more likely to explode in a collision its looks might not be as important as its survivability.
So compromises are made, costs weighed, benefits weighed, leaders taking input from the community enact public policies that try to strike a balance. When public emergencies were declared that sort of cost-benefit analysis was discarded in most every community. No risk of exposure to infection could be allowed. Some workers deemed, "essential" while others "nonessential." Dehumanizing and denegrating the inherent value in everyone's contribution to society. "You're a nonessential human" told to most everyone in the people industry, those who bring people together to share connection and community, entertainers, meeting planners, local watering holes, "third places" called nonessential, even dangerous. And selfish for questioning. "Safety first." Even though the science disproved the risk assessment authorities asserted. Even though any minor perceived benefit of safety mitigation came at excessive cost borne by those who policymakers had little care or concern about. A myopic focus on safety, real and imagined has wrought destruction onto millions of lives.
Burners had it right pre-2020. They and most officials and authorities got it wrong after 2020 To their forever shame
Beautiful and Wise. Yesterday with family and friends, I was watching Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s Announcement Speech when in words that were truly luminous with poetry he talked about a few of the splendors of nature that his children would never see. A friend observed ‘Didn’t Trump say that? Or was it Biden? Brought down the house. It did highlight the incandescence of that speech. But maybe on a much deeper level we all laughed instead of cried. We laughed to interdict the tears that were welling up, leaving several of us all wiping our eyes -- from laughter or grief? More grief I think -- more grief, more heart-felt deep down sadness about all that we of my Hey Boomer Generation have not just squandered, which makes us all into victims, but have knowingly wasted and wrecked. As Dylan says: “Everything is broken”. But, as you say with such ‘sweet thunder’ (a phrase lifted from Duke Ellington) grief can heal. Like your dive into cold waters into be a sort of baptism, a frisson of refreshment and renewal that paradoxically brings closer -- closer into the heart’s affections -- the very things we have lost and in making them present re-orders priorities while providing a map for going forward. I found that map in Kennedy’s speech. Others may find it elsewhere. But Grief limns a path for going forward. Again, thank you.
20 years ago my family lived a summer in the Netherlands. We had four young children and while my husband worked during the I would take the kids to various play grounds. I had not realized how dumbed down the US playgrounds had become. My grown kids still speak of the wonders of the Dutch playgrounds- little zip lines, merry go rounds, see saws, big bird nest swings, spinning disks, 25 feet high monkey bars... I hope the Dutch still have them. And we wonder why the kids don’t want to play outside. Safety 3rd, hear hear!
Well, yes, grief. I have been grieving for a long time, for varios reasons, on and off for years now. But isn´t grief, just as death, more or less suppressed in large parts of society as well? To grief for everything that´s lost in nature, for example, there has to be at least some kind of connection to it. When I see how much forest, of the already scarce forest stand over here, is being cut down recently and hardly anyone really seems to care, I grieve - deeply. Nowadays, if you grieve for more than a specific time for the loss of a loved one, it´s defined as a disorder ( prolonged grief disorder)). Every normal reaction to distressing situations is getting more and more pathologized which will only further more suppression of difficult emotions in the general public.
"What starts as caution becomes comfort, then habit, then a prison. The prisoner carries the key in his back pocket, taking comfort in his pretend helplessness." For me as a trauma therapist, this is so worthy of quoting.
Life first, with all its dangers, marvels and learnings. Isn’t it why we are here for?
How do they say “safety” in indigenous or ancient languages? This is one of those words (like “urgent”) that did not seem to exist. A recently invented concept, it seems.
I love the clarity with which you present things Charles. I also have been considering how we have been trained to be easily distracted from human rights violations and violations to nature because there is just a constant stream of happenings. So a slow withdrawal of our freedom to live fully becomes harder to detect. And then what ? Your first 2 criteria become imperatives or counteracting energy for what increasingly seems a distinct strategy of control.
Soon after my wife unexpectedly died before me on October 30th, 2019, I knew intuitively that everything had changed. Some part of me died with her and I was faced with the greatest mystery of my life. “Why did she die? I don’t understand”. (a metaphysical/spiritual question. I was not looking for a medical explanation). This terrible absence, this bone shattering “without”, pulsated through my body. A couple months later , early in therapy, the bottom dropped out and I broke down sobbing. My therapist said, “Your heart has broken open”. This became my journey through tears, days of crying, sometimes more, sometimes less. During the most intense episodes, one day I found myself patting my heart and saying to myself, “You poor little lost boy”. And through these intense outpourings of sorrow, after the havoc and the fury, something happened. In the shadow of my grief I discovered a deep beauty in the world all around me. While streaming tears and extending my arms straight above into the clear blue sky, I thought that I could almost push through the filament separating me from the eternal. And I knew everything would be OK.
In case not everyone reads to the end, here's your brilliant punch line: "We have wandered far, far, far into the territory of separation. We must admit that we are lost. We dissolve in tears. We turn then and see on the horizon the golden land. Only teary eyes can see the path back." The key phrase here is: "We must admit that we are lost." Those who barked back about safety during the Covid era were lost in the grip of propaganda. But they didn't know it.
Do I know that I am lost? Yes. All that means is that I know I must find my way, I don't arrogantly assume that I know the way and that others should think like me or do like me. We could, though, help each other find our way. But that would require personal humility and, another great phrase of yours in here: "Only teary eyes can see the path back." Happy to wander in the free land of giving and receiving with all of you!
Very good. Safety first has always rubbed me the wrong way - it seems cowardly, a great no to life. Individually, we're all doomed. Death is inevitable. The point of life is not mere maximization of years and minimization of injury - it is experience, adventure, connection and relationship ... it is a full life. A life spent running from every risk is not a full life. It is no life at all.
"Now, I do not think masking, lockdowns, and the vaccines actually saved lives, but what if they did?"
Dare I publicly admit that I remain entirely uncertain about this question, whether or not these three measures saved lives? Dare I admit that I found these questions a bit overwhelming during the time in which any position, for, against or open and questioning, would result in bitter acrimony and hateful contempt?
Initially, I tended to believe some portion of the story from those who advocated for masks, "social distancing" (though physical distancing was my preferred phrasing) were reasonable responses to a crisis, as the crisis was generally presented and interpreted to most of us. Vaccines? I've never had one. I'm not likely to. I may or may not have had a very mild case of Covid once or twice. I've never been tested for it. I tend not to trust big, powerful institutions. I've had plenty of reasons not to.
I wonder if it is now emotionally safe enough to re-engage with the questions posed in Charles' statement above. Never have a felt such contempt and rage directed at me for keeping an open mind on the questions as I did on this set of questions. And I lost interest in searching for answers when everyone--nearly--had closed the questions and insisted they had certainty, just as I should have had.
Posted on our fridge, oft referenced for our kids to learn, is Helen Keller’s quote: “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” But I’m going to start using Safety Third now too and really make us all think about what is First and Second - thank you for this!!
As a long time Burner, yes, "Safety Third" has been a part of my vocabulary for about two decades. With many different understandings of what first and second would be. One of the Burning Man principles is "Radical self-reliance." We are responsible for ourselves. While gifting and charity are a part of the community, it cannot be relied upon.
Burning Man has volunteers who help in the community known as "Rangers." Rangers are not police or even authority figures. But they are distinguishable by wearing bland khaki in a visual sea of color. And have two-way radios on channels that are connected to help that can get medical or other authorities to a situation quickly. Rangers are trained to be nonconfrontational, conflict management and deescalation, to be a helpful resource for the community some even trained to deal with mental health crises. The model has even been observed by professional LEO from cities across the nation and world, used in their training.
One of the things Rangers might do when they see someone doing something unsafe is engage in friendly conversation with them. Ask them if they need any help that would make it a safer endeavor. But sometimes people just want to do it their own way, minimize the risk, "safety third." In those situations a Ranger might say, "well, I'm not going to stop you, but I'll stick around here to help you if something happens." Like when someone is climbing on top of a metal dome in the middle of a thunder storm trying to hurry up and build an art camp. Just saying that you'll be there to help pick up the pieces is often enough to get a person who's minimized the risk they are taking on when they hear it and think about it. It's not bossy, it's not authoritarian, it acknowledges that people are radically self-reliant. Responsible for their own outcomes.
Which, sadly, was lost on the Burning Man community during the height of the pandemic. The same people who would kiss 100 people in a night, eat food that's been out of refrigeration for hours, use dirty plates and utensils, even go to the orgy dome wouldn't hug, go to gatherings of more than six people in their community pod, wore gloves and facemasks while jogging in the park and driving in their car alone. For them their inner risk tolerance pendulum swung to the extreme opposite, even became the worst scolds and enforcers I knew.
Thing is, risk is a part of life. And a known feature for public policymakers. Deciding on speed limit, food service safety protocols, controlled substances, mandatory insurance requirements, local zoning, noise limits, auto safety design and features, you name it. Public policy is the process of weighing the costs and benefits of establishing laws and ordinances. Sure, they could set speed limits at 30mph everywhere for safety. But at the cost of transportation and shippping delays. Steaks and burgers can be ordered to be cooked to well-done so there is no bacteria left in the meat per official CDC guidance. But at the cost of a delicious, moist rare to medium-rare steak that a diner may prefer. Mowing lawns on the weekend can be prohibited to preserve peace in a community during restful days off for most. At the cost of making homeowners contract for services during the week or take time off work. Cars can be designed with beautiful shapes and lines, but if the design makes it more likely to explode in a collision its looks might not be as important as its survivability.
So compromises are made, costs weighed, benefits weighed, leaders taking input from the community enact public policies that try to strike a balance. When public emergencies were declared that sort of cost-benefit analysis was discarded in most every community. No risk of exposure to infection could be allowed. Some workers deemed, "essential" while others "nonessential." Dehumanizing and denegrating the inherent value in everyone's contribution to society. "You're a nonessential human" told to most everyone in the people industry, those who bring people together to share connection and community, entertainers, meeting planners, local watering holes, "third places" called nonessential, even dangerous. And selfish for questioning. "Safety first." Even though the science disproved the risk assessment authorities asserted. Even though any minor perceived benefit of safety mitigation came at excessive cost borne by those who policymakers had little care or concern about. A myopic focus on safety, real and imagined has wrought destruction onto millions of lives.
Burners had it right pre-2020. They and most officials and authorities got it wrong after 2020 To their forever shame
Safety third has been a saying of my friends and I for years
Dimples first :)
Seems both giving and receiving can cause a smile
Or
Smiling, I give and receive
Beautiful and Wise. Yesterday with family and friends, I was watching Robert F. Kennedy Jr’s Announcement Speech when in words that were truly luminous with poetry he talked about a few of the splendors of nature that his children would never see. A friend observed ‘Didn’t Trump say that? Or was it Biden? Brought down the house. It did highlight the incandescence of that speech. But maybe on a much deeper level we all laughed instead of cried. We laughed to interdict the tears that were welling up, leaving several of us all wiping our eyes -- from laughter or grief? More grief I think -- more grief, more heart-felt deep down sadness about all that we of my Hey Boomer Generation have not just squandered, which makes us all into victims, but have knowingly wasted and wrecked. As Dylan says: “Everything is broken”. But, as you say with such ‘sweet thunder’ (a phrase lifted from Duke Ellington) grief can heal. Like your dive into cold waters into be a sort of baptism, a frisson of refreshment and renewal that paradoxically brings closer -- closer into the heart’s affections -- the very things we have lost and in making them present re-orders priorities while providing a map for going forward. I found that map in Kennedy’s speech. Others may find it elsewhere. But Grief limns a path for going forward. Again, thank you.
If those fish weren't brave enough to put safety third and jump out of the ocean, we wouldn't have frogs or other wonderful life! Love the mindset.
20 years ago my family lived a summer in the Netherlands. We had four young children and while my husband worked during the I would take the kids to various play grounds. I had not realized how dumbed down the US playgrounds had become. My grown kids still speak of the wonders of the Dutch playgrounds- little zip lines, merry go rounds, see saws, big bird nest swings, spinning disks, 25 feet high monkey bars... I hope the Dutch still have them. And we wonder why the kids don’t want to play outside. Safety 3rd, hear hear!
Well, yes, grief. I have been grieving for a long time, for varios reasons, on and off for years now. But isn´t grief, just as death, more or less suppressed in large parts of society as well? To grief for everything that´s lost in nature, for example, there has to be at least some kind of connection to it. When I see how much forest, of the already scarce forest stand over here, is being cut down recently and hardly anyone really seems to care, I grieve - deeply. Nowadays, if you grieve for more than a specific time for the loss of a loved one, it´s defined as a disorder ( prolonged grief disorder)). Every normal reaction to distressing situations is getting more and more pathologized which will only further more suppression of difficult emotions in the general public.
"What starts as caution becomes comfort, then habit, then a prison. The prisoner carries the key in his back pocket, taking comfort in his pretend helplessness." For me as a trauma therapist, this is so worthy of quoting.
On the mark as usual
100% agree and, as always, beautifully stated.
So beautifully said 🙏🏻
Life first, with all its dangers, marvels and learnings. Isn’t it why we are here for?
How do they say “safety” in indigenous or ancient languages? This is one of those words (like “urgent”) that did not seem to exist. A recently invented concept, it seems.
I love the clarity with which you present things Charles. I also have been considering how we have been trained to be easily distracted from human rights violations and violations to nature because there is just a constant stream of happenings. So a slow withdrawal of our freedom to live fully becomes harder to detect. And then what ? Your first 2 criteria become imperatives or counteracting energy for what increasingly seems a distinct strategy of control.