Volatility
A quick note here. We are in a time of tremendous volatility, not just externally, but for many people internally as well. On a daily basis, it seems, the world is flipping from one timeline to another to another. The future looks dark; I blink my eyes and all is bright. A blue sky fills with clouds in a minute, then they are gone again. Multiple realities coexist on a single planet. Multiple realities coexist in a single person.
Just saying, if you have been fluctuating between elation and despair, you are not alone. If despondency colors the breaking dawn, you are not alone. If a single ray of light (like a warm hello) dispels the despondency, you are not alone. If that hope is so fragile that a mere ill glance shatters it, you are not alone.
Maybe some people have been calm, centered, uplifted, and steady through this whole month. I have not. It is as if all the ups and downs of the past two years have been mashed together. No, this isn’t a call for sympathy or for help. It is a message of brotherhood to all who are experiencing the same. You are not alone.
If you are sensitive to the world, you are likely in this phase to feel its turmoil. Outwardly, we face economic turmoil, political turmoil, social turmoil, perhaps even geological turmoil. Narratives and social formations that dominated the last two years are disintegrating, leaving many people in shock. Official sureties are reversed. Heroes and villains exchange places. The tower of illusion comes crashing down. Some will pretend never to have believed in it. Some will pretend it is still there. Some will avoid thinking about it. Some will put their hands over their ears. Some will erupt in fury. Some will keep fighting the battle that gave them an identity. All of this is happening at once.
It isn’t a false dawn that you see. The best thing you can do right now is, when the moments of joy come, is to allow the joy to leap. These are emanations of a future that has now become possible. A path to it comes in and out of focus in front of our eyes, disappearing into the dawning radiance. It won’t be an easy path, but we will no longer feel lost. If you are in a despair state right now, notice what I have noticed: a tiny dot of guiding light is born within it.
I find myself in an utterly isolated space this past year. Having turned 72, significant only in having to accept that I have witnessed this body age at an extraordinary pace these past couple of years. I am an ole hippy who held the vision of "love one another, sisterhood and brotherhood, peace" and as years passed, felt more and more alien in this world. Early on in 2020, I recognized the insanity and began researching, going down one rabbit hole after another, in shock and awe repeatedly as illusions and delusions were shattered and the horrors, corruption and lies revealed. Gone is the community in which I used to live, my home, my work, clients (I've done healing work my entire life), my "friends", fellow healers, teachers I trusted and looked to for guidance and affirmation, my family and all familiar landmarks as I've been renting a room in a stranger's home and she has no interest in communicating from the heart. I was deemed a "threat to humanity" as I wandered maskless, fearless and free, along the ocean shores of my once island community. Retirement always a foreign concept, I watch my little savings dwindle and wonder what will happen when Social Security ends. The purge has been breath-taking, thorough and complete...profoundly heart-breaking and traumatizing. I weep at any image of love, beauty and redemption that appears before me online or in a movie. I come across people on my walks in Nature and am asked if I'm vaccinated, only to have them pull away and spew ridiculous untruths. I tried connecting with people in groups for awhile but it leaves me unnourished and empty. Recognizing the brilliant Intelligence of this orchestration of utter isolation and solitude, the only direction was inward to the silence and stillness of the Being...I surrendered...a moment to moment undertaking that never fails to bring me to a place of unspeakable yet terrifying Peace and emptiness. I recognized the collective psychoses that comes from not knowing our True Identity and allowed the painful realization of the mirror reflection. There is no more ambition or desire. I diligently and devotedly stay vigilant to what is unfolding, and delight in those magnificent beings who are speaking out for Truth, Freedom, Peace and Love. Your heart, Charles Eisenstein is a beautiful beacon of Light. It seems the part I am playing is as a Holder of Gracious Space, in constant prayer that humanity discovers its True Identity. The miracles needed will come from our discovered and shared Divinity, the majesty, power, intelligence and pure Love that we, in Truth, are. The frigid temps and frozen, snow-covered earth where I live cause an ineffable longing for Springtime, a flowering both within and without. I am simply here, being the Light of the World. I await the arising of Source energy to guide me to kindred souls and a welcoming place on the planet. I ride the waves of devastating emotion, frightening thoughts, painful sensations and discover over and over...I am not any of that...I am here, Gracious Space, holding, allowing, witnessing this transformation, this crucifixtion, this inevitable resurrection. Blessings and Love to all of you! Love only is Real.
I have felt this manic depression this month. Wilds swings every week. I have a small law firm and few folks come in the doors, since we have normalized Zoom meetings, Zoom Court, and Zoom consults and appointments. It is day of joy when I am airbudsless and can visit for a few minutes with our also human interaction starved mailman. Dealing with parents in crisis, whose children have been placed in temporary (and some eventual permanent) state care, is some days daunting, discouraging, and maddening. But working with this population also has bright lights when parents succeed in reunifying with their kids and the cases are dismissed.
I am 19 months from age 70, when I plan to hang up my legal hat and transition to more joyful, soulful work creating and facilitating ceremonies like weddings and funerals. As I consider my work and business now, and what I need to do to close the present, sell the house, move to a more conservative friendly state with more personal freedoms, it is all overlaid with the current ongoing mania in my state for masks, mandates, jabs, and restrictions. It is fraught with concern that I could be forced to break my commercial lease early, sell my house as is, move without a plan preparing the way. It is steeped in worry that our financial system could collapse as some predict, and if not that, at least worry that inflation will hamper my financial ability to exit as I have envisioned for the past five years.
It is such a liminal time! So much uncertainty! The usual uncertainty that comes with life transitions is magnified due to the forces on one side pushing for a Great Reset and the forces on the other doing all possible to instigate a Great Awakening of the American and world population to prevent what appears to be an worldwide authoritarian takeover using Covid now and Climate Change as the next act to bring it to fruition.
My most overriding sense is, we who are alive today, no matter what generation, we’re born for this very experience. I believe we chose to be here for this time, this experience, andd we are the bravest of the brave. We are the greatest and mightiest spiritual warriors who chose to be born in order to be here, in this time. Every action, no matter how small, matters. Quantum theory tells us that a butterfly fluttering its wings on one side of the world impacts something far, far away. Heartmath Institute has proven that positive thoughts by a small group of people watching a surgery on video, cause less bleeding and adverse events than a surgery without the intentional thoughts vibrating into the ether. By just standing firm in our principles, by just smiling maskless, at people on the street or in a store, or believing that all this is part of a bigger picture that we cannot see, but our positive part in it will make a difference, we will change the world in a way we do not now know but it will be the best that is yet to come. When I start feeling depressed, I j hold that thought. I hold the idea that my part is small, but very important. All I am obligated to do is hold on to the thought that we are not here by accident. We will someday see the big picture and understand. Until then, all my dear friends, hold fast to the rod.